Earlier today I stumbled across the blog of an old friend from University. Not someone I was ever really close too, but always really liked. It was a candid, and slightly heartbreaking look into her struggles with her weight. What really struck me was her admission that at the time when I knew her she was battling feelings of self loathing with respect to her weight. When I look back on that time I remember envying her slight frame, easy smile and popularity. Who knew that behind all the things I was busy envying we had more in common than I would have thought possible? Certainly not me.
It made me wonder a few things. When does all this start, this breaking down of our inner-selves, in favour of our outward shells? At what point do we start worrying more about our bellies and less about our hearts? When do we start thinking that a tiny ass is more important than a beautiful soul? Are there women out there who are happy with their bodies? Really truly happy, when no one else is looking? Whether they are 110 lbs, or 250, are they out there?
For me, I know I feel best about myself when I am taking good care of myself... but that never stopped me from looking at a photo of myself and thinking "holy, look at that belly!" I'm dangerously close to becoming one of those women who refuses to have her picture taken, because they are hazardous to my self esteem. Stupid, I know. And yet I look back at pictures of myself a few summers ago, traveling overseas, where I can distinctly remember feeling like the only girl in all of Thailand wearing a one piece bathing suit, and now I think I looked great! I think of my time in Japan, the skinniest I've been in the last 10 years. I still felt like the biggest girl in every room, and maybe I was... but how stupid is it for me to have been comparing myself to Japanese women? I would have needed a time machine to take me back to 1992 to have evened out the playing field. But instead of appreciating how great I looked, I just compared myself to the other women around me. In truth there is always going to be someone thinner and someone bigger than me. Here's the thing: How is that relevant to my self esteem in any way shape or form? It's not, and yet it's somehow become the only bar by which I know to measure myself.
And then there is the question posed by my friend, probably the most important question in all of this... how do we stop ourselves from passing all this on to the next generation of little girls? If we can't bring ourselves to love them women we see in the mirror, how on earth can we expect them to?
One thing seems clear, there's so much more to this than just the weight we carry on our frames.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
Happy Meat!
Update: The creature in the ceiling was definitely NOT the cat. He’s been heard from again, and the cat was in her usual spot sleeping on the bed. Hubby stuck his head up into the ceiling but couldn’t see anything. He did however feel quite a draft, which he thinks is responsible for the moving ceiling tiles. I’m skeptical, but I’d definitely like to believe that the ceiling creature is only a draft.
Back to today’s blog: Over the last few months the thing hubby and I have struggled with the most in all of this is eating “Happy Meat”. Some of you may be wondering what is “Happy Meat”. I don’t have an exact definition, and it probably means different things to different people. I would say that at the very least it means that the animal lived a happy life before it got to your plate. It would have to be free range, and fed a diet of appropriate food. What do I mean by appropriate food? Well a good example is your average cow… farmers feed them on corn because it beefs them up (pun intended) faster, amongst other reasons. This reeks havoc on a cow’s digestive system, as they are not meant to eat a diet that primarily consists of corn. They are meant to eat primarily grass. So a happy cow would be grass fed. Those would be my two main qualifications for defining something as happy meat. Luckily most farmers who are going to take the time to do these two things are going to take it a few steps further. The meat is often (but not always) certified organic. Organic certification is a difficult process from what I understand, so a lot of farmers can’t be bothered getting the certification and that doesn’t mean the meat isn’t just as good. Usually happy meat is hormone and antibiotic free… which means you aren’t ingesting hormones and antibiotics with your burger.
Finding happy meat can be difficult for a few reasons. It’s not usually readily available at the grocery store. Superstore has been advertising a line of hormone and antibiotic free meats recently, but they say nothing of the quality of life the animals lead otherwise. So these animals might be free range, but I suspect that if they were Superstore would be telling you that. I could of course be wrong; it’s been known to happen on occasion. I have no problem going to a local butcher, in fact I prefer it. I like to support local business and the quality of the meat is often better. Then there’s the issue of cost. When you do find meat that fits all the “Happy” criteria it often costs a small fortune.
We’d been dealing with this by eating a lot of bison, and not a lot of other meats. You can pretty much rest assured that when you are purchasing bison in Manitoba, it is happy meat. It is a little to a lot more expensive than beef, depending where you get it and is very low in fat. The problem? Mostly, I miss chicken! Most of your run of the mill grocery store chickens are raised in awful conditions and pumped full of things like estrogen… which in humans can increase risk of breast cancer, which runs rampant in my family. So for obvious reasons I’ve been avoiding things that contribute to raised estrogen levels (this includes soy, for those of you who also have histories of breast cancer).
A few weeks ago a friend told us about a butcher shop called Friggs Natural Meats that sells only Happy Meat. It sounded too good to be true. She told us they carried just about any meat you could raise in Manitoba and that the prices were very reasonable. The only catch, was that they were a fair drive away. Winnipegers are spoiled in this sense, in that we think anything that’s more than about a 20 minute drive is a long ways. We were also without a deep freeze at the time, making it harder to store much meat. Last weekend we won a deep freeze at an old friend’s social (for any non-Manitoban’s out there, think big drink-fest with prize draws, used as a fundraiser for weddings). So this Saturday after a quick trip to the farmer’s market we found ourselves, for the very first time in a LONG time, with a whole day free of plans; and for the first time ever, with a place to store a decent amount of meat. So off to the Friggs we went. It was better than I could have imagined… they carry fresh and frozen meats of all kinds, eggs, cheese, etc. And my GF was right, the prices were not bad at all. They were a little more than the grocery store, but not by a lot. Please remember readers that these farmers are going outside the norm to raise an animal that gets to be treated with dignity, and is also better for you. They are not selling in bulk to major retailers, and they too need to make a living, feed their families, keep up a farm, etc… so please understand that there is a reason this costs more than the angry cow you bought from the supermarket. Over and above the other reasons I want to eat happy meat, it makes me feel happy and proud to support these farmers.
For more info go to Friggs website: http://frigsnaturalmeats.ca/
Back to today’s blog: Over the last few months the thing hubby and I have struggled with the most in all of this is eating “Happy Meat”. Some of you may be wondering what is “Happy Meat”. I don’t have an exact definition, and it probably means different things to different people. I would say that at the very least it means that the animal lived a happy life before it got to your plate. It would have to be free range, and fed a diet of appropriate food. What do I mean by appropriate food? Well a good example is your average cow… farmers feed them on corn because it beefs them up (pun intended) faster, amongst other reasons. This reeks havoc on a cow’s digestive system, as they are not meant to eat a diet that primarily consists of corn. They are meant to eat primarily grass. So a happy cow would be grass fed. Those would be my two main qualifications for defining something as happy meat. Luckily most farmers who are going to take the time to do these two things are going to take it a few steps further. The meat is often (but not always) certified organic. Organic certification is a difficult process from what I understand, so a lot of farmers can’t be bothered getting the certification and that doesn’t mean the meat isn’t just as good. Usually happy meat is hormone and antibiotic free… which means you aren’t ingesting hormones and antibiotics with your burger.
Finding happy meat can be difficult for a few reasons. It’s not usually readily available at the grocery store. Superstore has been advertising a line of hormone and antibiotic free meats recently, but they say nothing of the quality of life the animals lead otherwise. So these animals might be free range, but I suspect that if they were Superstore would be telling you that. I could of course be wrong; it’s been known to happen on occasion. I have no problem going to a local butcher, in fact I prefer it. I like to support local business and the quality of the meat is often better. Then there’s the issue of cost. When you do find meat that fits all the “Happy” criteria it often costs a small fortune.
We’d been dealing with this by eating a lot of bison, and not a lot of other meats. You can pretty much rest assured that when you are purchasing bison in Manitoba, it is happy meat. It is a little to a lot more expensive than beef, depending where you get it and is very low in fat. The problem? Mostly, I miss chicken! Most of your run of the mill grocery store chickens are raised in awful conditions and pumped full of things like estrogen… which in humans can increase risk of breast cancer, which runs rampant in my family. So for obvious reasons I’ve been avoiding things that contribute to raised estrogen levels (this includes soy, for those of you who also have histories of breast cancer).
A few weeks ago a friend told us about a butcher shop called Friggs Natural Meats that sells only Happy Meat. It sounded too good to be true. She told us they carried just about any meat you could raise in Manitoba and that the prices were very reasonable. The only catch, was that they were a fair drive away. Winnipegers are spoiled in this sense, in that we think anything that’s more than about a 20 minute drive is a long ways. We were also without a deep freeze at the time, making it harder to store much meat. Last weekend we won a deep freeze at an old friend’s social (for any non-Manitoban’s out there, think big drink-fest with prize draws, used as a fundraiser for weddings). So this Saturday after a quick trip to the farmer’s market we found ourselves, for the very first time in a LONG time, with a whole day free of plans; and for the first time ever, with a place to store a decent amount of meat. So off to the Friggs we went. It was better than I could have imagined… they carry fresh and frozen meats of all kinds, eggs, cheese, etc. And my GF was right, the prices were not bad at all. They were a little more than the grocery store, but not by a lot. Please remember readers that these farmers are going outside the norm to raise an animal that gets to be treated with dignity, and is also better for you. They are not selling in bulk to major retailers, and they too need to make a living, feed their families, keep up a farm, etc… so please understand that there is a reason this costs more than the angry cow you bought from the supermarket. Over and above the other reasons I want to eat happy meat, it makes me feel happy and proud to support these farmers.
For more info go to Friggs website: http://frigsnaturalmeats.ca/
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Blue freezies and cochineal insects
Earlier this week a friend and were having a conversation regarding the ingredients in a popular brand of yogurt. She was asking my opinion on the contents. Overall they weren't too bad... but they did list one item that has always made me wonder: colour. How is it that colour can be a food ingredient? I suppose if they said food colouring this would fit more with my understanding of what qualifies as an ingredient, but would really not be any clearer. So my friend did a little online hunting, and it turns out that many of the colourings we use in our foods are derived from natural sources such as spices, berry juices, and in one case a cochineal instect. While I'm not wild about the idea of consuming "juiced" bug, that's more just me being squeemish than anything. I was far more disturbed by the discovery that several synthetic food colourings, the most distinct of these being Brilliant Blue FCF, E133 or Blue No.1, are derived from a substance called "Coal Tar".
So what is coal tar? I'm going to do something really bad here, which would be frowned upon by scholars the world over... I'm going to cite wikipedia. Before I do I have to say that this is not the only site I've consulted in researching this, it is simply the one that presents most of what found all in one place. Here are some of my favorite bits from the wikipedia page on Coal Tar (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coal_tar):
"Being flammable, coal tar is sometimes used for heating or to fire boilers."
"used to kill and repel head lice"
"Coal tar was formerly used as one of the primary ingredients of asphalt pavements"
"The NPF states that coal tar contains approximately 10,000 different chemicals, of which only about 50% have been identified, and the composition of coal tar varies with its origin and type of coal (eg: lignite, bituminous or anthracite) used to make it."
"According to the International Agency for Research on Cancer, preparations that include more than 5 percent of crude coal tar are Group 1 carcinogen."
Now I don't know how carcinogenic "Group 1" is, and I am 100% sure that by the time this becomes Blue No.1 and goes into my freezy it does not contain 5% crude oil. But I can tell you that I'd rather eat bugs... but maybe that's just me.
So what is coal tar? I'm going to do something really bad here, which would be frowned upon by scholars the world over... I'm going to cite wikipedia. Before I do I have to say that this is not the only site I've consulted in researching this, it is simply the one that presents most of what found all in one place. Here are some of my favorite bits from the wikipedia page on Coal Tar (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coal_tar):
"Being flammable, coal tar is sometimes used for heating or to fire boilers."
"used to kill and repel head lice"
"Coal tar was formerly used as one of the primary ingredients of asphalt pavements"
"The NPF states that coal tar contains approximately 10,000 different chemicals, of which only about 50% have been identified, and the composition of coal tar varies with its origin and type of coal (eg: lignite, bituminous or anthracite) used to make it."
"According to the International Agency for Research on Cancer, preparations that include more than 5 percent of crude coal tar are Group 1 carcinogen."
Now I don't know how carcinogenic "Group 1" is, and I am 100% sure that by the time this becomes Blue No.1 and goes into my freezy it does not contain 5% crude oil. But I can tell you that I'd rather eat bugs... but maybe that's just me.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
So far, so good...
Well two weeks back into eating properly has gone well. It hasn't been perfect. We've ordered pizza twice, but aside from that hubby and I have made every meal we've eaten in that time. Not bad for two devoted eat-out-aholics. So what have I been doing? Mainly, keeping the kitchen clean. Who wants to cook when the dishes are stacked up and your kitchen is cluttered.
Things have been going so well in fact, that I don't have that much to write about. So I thought over the next few days I'd post some of my favorite recipes instead.
Slow Cooker Chili
This chili is so hearty it really doesn't need the ground beef, so if you're a vegetarian, just leave it out. Also, hubby and I substitute the ground beef for ground bison for a lower fat alternative.
2 tbsp Olive Oil
1 lb Lean Ground Beef
4 Onions, finely chopped
8 Cloves Garlic, minced
2 tbsp Cumin seeds
2 tbsp Cracked Black Pepper Corns
2 tbsp Chili Powder
2 tbsp Salt
1 tsp Ground Allspice
1/2 tsp Cayenne Pepper
2 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
1/2 Cup (1 small can) Tomato Paste
2 Cups Canned Crushed Tomoatos
2 Cups Canned Diced Tomatos
1 Cup Condensed Beef (or Veg) Broth (Undiluted)
1 kg (Bag) Frozen Peas, Carrots, Corn
1 Can Refried Beans
3 Cans Kidney or other beans of your choice.
Hot Sauce to taste
Preparation:
1. Heat skillet over med-high heat. Add beef and cook until beef is no longer pink. Transfer to slow cooker stoneware. Drain liquid from pan.
2. Reduce heat to medium and add oil. Add onions, cook until soft. Transfer to slow cooker stoneware.
3. Add all spices, stir.
4. Add all other ingredients, stir.
5. Cook on low for 10-12 hours, or for quicker turn around time cook on high for 4-5 hours.
What we usually do is prepare this in the evening and put the stoneware in the fridge. Before we go to work in the morning we set the slow cooker so it will be ready for that night's dinner.
Things have been going so well in fact, that I don't have that much to write about. So I thought over the next few days I'd post some of my favorite recipes instead.
Slow Cooker Chili
This chili is so hearty it really doesn't need the ground beef, so if you're a vegetarian, just leave it out. Also, hubby and I substitute the ground beef for ground bison for a lower fat alternative.
2 tbsp Olive Oil
1 lb Lean Ground Beef
4 Onions, finely chopped
8 Cloves Garlic, minced
2 tbsp Cumin seeds
2 tbsp Cracked Black Pepper Corns
2 tbsp Chili Powder
2 tbsp Salt
1 tsp Ground Allspice
1/2 tsp Cayenne Pepper
2 tbsp Worcestershire Sauce
1/2 Cup (1 small can) Tomato Paste
2 Cups Canned Crushed Tomoatos
2 Cups Canned Diced Tomatos
1 Cup Condensed Beef (or Veg) Broth (Undiluted)
1 kg (Bag) Frozen Peas, Carrots, Corn
1 Can Refried Beans
3 Cans Kidney or other beans of your choice.
Hot Sauce to taste
Preparation:
1. Heat skillet over med-high heat. Add beef and cook until beef is no longer pink. Transfer to slow cooker stoneware. Drain liquid from pan.
2. Reduce heat to medium and add oil. Add onions, cook until soft. Transfer to slow cooker stoneware.
3. Add all spices, stir.
4. Add all other ingredients, stir.
5. Cook on low for 10-12 hours, or for quicker turn around time cook on high for 4-5 hours.
What we usually do is prepare this in the evening and put the stoneware in the fridge. Before we go to work in the morning we set the slow cooker so it will be ready for that night's dinner.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The Creature in the Ceiling
I wanted to check back in and let you all know how things are going since I posted my new plan on Saturday. So far so good, even with the universe conspiring to keep me out of my kitchen. That's right, the universe wants me to prove my dedication.
Sunday started out normally enough. I made plans to meet a girlfriend for breakfast at a local cafe. It was my farewell to eating out for the next month. I needed some groceries for the afternoon of cooking I had planned, but finished breakfast before the local grocery store opened. So I headed home and did a preemptive clean of my kitchen. There's nothing better than getting to work in a newly cleaned kitchen.
Despite the chilly, rainy weather, I set out feeling uplifted. I was happy to be back on track, and excited to try some new recipes. I planned to make jambalaya in the slow cooker, a pot of pumpkin soup, and put together an eggplant parmesan to be popped into the oven for easy cooking one night during the week.
By around 1:30 I was all set and ready to start cooking. Instead of buying chicken breast (as the recipe called for) I'd defrosted some chicken thighs we already had in the freezer for the jambalaya. I deboned and defatted them myself, a process which I am usually loath to take on. But it's time to stop being a girl and start being a cook... and a cook is perfectly capable of deboning her own chicken... no matter how grossed out she is by raw meat. It's time to get over it. I took the casings off the Italian sausage, fried that and the chicken up, and had the whole thing stewing in the slow cooker within about half an hour.
That's when I heard the noise... scurrying overhead. Ok, breathe, there's a mouse in the ceiling. So what? You can deal with deboning a chicken; you can deal with a mouse living over head.
Now, before I go on to tell the rest of the story, I have to describe my kitchen ceiling. It's the one part of my lovely character apartment that I really hate. It's a drop ceiling; about 6 inches lower than anywhere else in the apartment. It's made from the kind of ceiling tiles that are found in office buildings, for easy access to wiring, etc. The kind that you can push up on and have access to what's above. I suspect it was added in the last 20 years, out of convenience, rather than properly fixing some other issue with the original kitchen ceiling.
Ok... so back to the "mouse" in the ceiling. It sounds too heavy to be a mouse, and just as that's occurring to me, one of the corners of one of the tiles starts to lift! Holy shit, I've got some sort of super rodent with opposable thumbs, lifting tiles to come down at me from above! That or something with a girth so great that sitting on the opposite side of the tile is lifting the other corner... either way I do not want to meet this creature! I grab the broom and start hitting a solid part of the ceiling and yelling, trying to frighten it away. But why on earth would it be afraid of me, with my dull finger nails and unsharpened teeth? The tile drops back down and I can hear it moving around up there. I'm frozen with fear, listening for it's every movement. The tile starts to lift again and I'm startled back into action, pounding the ceiling again with my broom. We repeat this dance three times. I'm scared that if I leave the kitchen it will get down without my knowing, and even more afraid to stay there.
I retreat to the living room, where I call the caretaker. I tell him there's an animal in my ceiling and they need to send an exterminator. He calls me back to tell me there's a guy on call and he'll let me know as soon as he hears from him.
I'm sitting on my couch with my feet tucked up under me, listening intently to the sound of the ceiling creature scurrying around. Yes, I can hear it from the living room. That's when it occurs to me that I haven't seen my very small, very mischievous, cat in quite some time. I search the apartment top to bottom, checking all her usual hiding places, and any other spot I think a small cat might get into. No luck. I'm starting to think I need to get up the nerve to stick my head up into the ceiling and see what's going on. I'm relieve to find that I am not tall enough to do so even standing on a kitchen chair... even if I worked up the guts to come face to face with creature (or cat).
I haven't mentioned yet, that hubby is out of town, which is why I didn't make the 6'3" man I live with stick his head up there. I frantically call my dad, who lives on the other end of the city. He's at my grandma's for dinner, and can't come for at least a few hours. I'm starting to worry that the exterminator will show up without calling, and I won't know whether or not the creature in the ceiling should be exterminated. I also don't have the money to pay for him, should he find my cat up there.
So I call my best friend. Can she and her partner come to my rescue? He might be tall enough. He's out, but being the excellent best friend she is, she came straight over with her roommate/cousin and two step ladders. We still can't get up high enough to see what's going on. We poke the tiles with the broom, at this point fairly certain that the creature is the cat... or at least telling ourselves that. The whole situation is seeming less frightening with other people there. Unfortunately the creature seems to be long gone. Eventually my friends go, as there is nothing more they can do for me and they have things they need to do.
I call back my caretaker and hesitantly tell him I suspect my cat has gotten up there and to please hold off on the exterminator. He is reasonably surprised to hear my cat may have gotten into the ceiling, but is pretty understanding about the whole thing.
Hours later the cat did reappear, looking annoyingly nonchalant. Only I didn’t see where she came from. My parents had just arrived, and I was feeling rather embarrassed about making them come all the way over. I found myself telling them I saw her come out of the ceiling, which I did not (if you’re reading this, sorry guys!).
So in the end all I got made Sunday afternoon was the jambalaya… but I did spend last night making the soup, and the sauce for the eggplant parmesan.
Incidentally… the cat was again no where to be found when I got home from work yesterday. She eventually reappeared and I’ve heard no more noises from above. So the mystery of the creature overhead remains unsolved.
Sunday started out normally enough. I made plans to meet a girlfriend for breakfast at a local cafe. It was my farewell to eating out for the next month. I needed some groceries for the afternoon of cooking I had planned, but finished breakfast before the local grocery store opened. So I headed home and did a preemptive clean of my kitchen. There's nothing better than getting to work in a newly cleaned kitchen.
Despite the chilly, rainy weather, I set out feeling uplifted. I was happy to be back on track, and excited to try some new recipes. I planned to make jambalaya in the slow cooker, a pot of pumpkin soup, and put together an eggplant parmesan to be popped into the oven for easy cooking one night during the week.
By around 1:30 I was all set and ready to start cooking. Instead of buying chicken breast (as the recipe called for) I'd defrosted some chicken thighs we already had in the freezer for the jambalaya. I deboned and defatted them myself, a process which I am usually loath to take on. But it's time to stop being a girl and start being a cook... and a cook is perfectly capable of deboning her own chicken... no matter how grossed out she is by raw meat. It's time to get over it. I took the casings off the Italian sausage, fried that and the chicken up, and had the whole thing stewing in the slow cooker within about half an hour.
That's when I heard the noise... scurrying overhead. Ok, breathe, there's a mouse in the ceiling. So what? You can deal with deboning a chicken; you can deal with a mouse living over head.
Now, before I go on to tell the rest of the story, I have to describe my kitchen ceiling. It's the one part of my lovely character apartment that I really hate. It's a drop ceiling; about 6 inches lower than anywhere else in the apartment. It's made from the kind of ceiling tiles that are found in office buildings, for easy access to wiring, etc. The kind that you can push up on and have access to what's above. I suspect it was added in the last 20 years, out of convenience, rather than properly fixing some other issue with the original kitchen ceiling.
Ok... so back to the "mouse" in the ceiling. It sounds too heavy to be a mouse, and just as that's occurring to me, one of the corners of one of the tiles starts to lift! Holy shit, I've got some sort of super rodent with opposable thumbs, lifting tiles to come down at me from above! That or something with a girth so great that sitting on the opposite side of the tile is lifting the other corner... either way I do not want to meet this creature! I grab the broom and start hitting a solid part of the ceiling and yelling, trying to frighten it away. But why on earth would it be afraid of me, with my dull finger nails and unsharpened teeth? The tile drops back down and I can hear it moving around up there. I'm frozen with fear, listening for it's every movement. The tile starts to lift again and I'm startled back into action, pounding the ceiling again with my broom. We repeat this dance three times. I'm scared that if I leave the kitchen it will get down without my knowing, and even more afraid to stay there.
I retreat to the living room, where I call the caretaker. I tell him there's an animal in my ceiling and they need to send an exterminator. He calls me back to tell me there's a guy on call and he'll let me know as soon as he hears from him.
I'm sitting on my couch with my feet tucked up under me, listening intently to the sound of the ceiling creature scurrying around. Yes, I can hear it from the living room. That's when it occurs to me that I haven't seen my very small, very mischievous, cat in quite some time. I search the apartment top to bottom, checking all her usual hiding places, and any other spot I think a small cat might get into. No luck. I'm starting to think I need to get up the nerve to stick my head up into the ceiling and see what's going on. I'm relieve to find that I am not tall enough to do so even standing on a kitchen chair... even if I worked up the guts to come face to face with creature (or cat).
I haven't mentioned yet, that hubby is out of town, which is why I didn't make the 6'3" man I live with stick his head up there. I frantically call my dad, who lives on the other end of the city. He's at my grandma's for dinner, and can't come for at least a few hours. I'm starting to worry that the exterminator will show up without calling, and I won't know whether or not the creature in the ceiling should be exterminated. I also don't have the money to pay for him, should he find my cat up there.
So I call my best friend. Can she and her partner come to my rescue? He might be tall enough. He's out, but being the excellent best friend she is, she came straight over with her roommate/cousin and two step ladders. We still can't get up high enough to see what's going on. We poke the tiles with the broom, at this point fairly certain that the creature is the cat... or at least telling ourselves that. The whole situation is seeming less frightening with other people there. Unfortunately the creature seems to be long gone. Eventually my friends go, as there is nothing more they can do for me and they have things they need to do.
I call back my caretaker and hesitantly tell him I suspect my cat has gotten up there and to please hold off on the exterminator. He is reasonably surprised to hear my cat may have gotten into the ceiling, but is pretty understanding about the whole thing.
Hours later the cat did reappear, looking annoyingly nonchalant. Only I didn’t see where she came from. My parents had just arrived, and I was feeling rather embarrassed about making them come all the way over. I found myself telling them I saw her come out of the ceiling, which I did not (if you’re reading this, sorry guys!).
So in the end all I got made Sunday afternoon was the jambalaya… but I did spend last night making the soup, and the sauce for the eggplant parmesan.
Incidentally… the cat was again no where to be found when I got home from work yesterday. She eventually reappeared and I’ve heard no more noises from above. So the mystery of the creature overhead remains unsolved.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Rededication
I've spent the last few days trying to sort out how I was going to rededicate myself to my eating mission.
I spent a lot of time trying to pin point where things went wrong, because unless I can be honest with myself about where I failed, I can't begin to know what to fix.
I pondered Chris' suggestions. I like the idea of having to earn treats, so this is definitely going on my rules. If I want ice cream, I'm going to have to bike to get it. I thought over the idea of making a menu for the week, and only buying those items at the grocery store... but that's just not how hubby and I role. We're not planners in that sense and I think having to decide my whole week on Sunday would make me crazy. I can see this working well for others (as it is for Chris and his lovely lady)just not for us. Shopping isn't really a problem for us, in fact it's one area where we are really good, in that we don't buy any processed junk... when we shop. And that is really what the problem comes down to. When we get too busy grocery shopping slips to the bottom of the to-do list; and when there is nothing inspiring in the fridge we eat out.
So how do I solve this problem? I like the idea of devoting Sunday's to picking some recipes,grocery shopping, making a meal in the slow cooker and having a few things in mind for the week ahead. I can always stop at one of the several grocery stores on my route home to pick up anything else we might need. One thing that was working really well for us before was cooking large batches and freezing half for when we didn't feel like cooking.
I haven't quite figured out how this is going to work when we spend weekends at the cabin. Perhaps we'll have to devote some Monday nights to the cause.
When we were talking about all this the other night hubby pointed out something that I hadn't even realized was a problem, but definitely is. I have to start doing more of the cooking. When we were doing well before he was doing 95% of the cooking, and when he got busy with school, etc. our old eating habits reared their ugly heads. So I have to take on at least half the responsibility for our meals.
I have also decided that I am going to try not to eat out at all for the next month. I need to re-frame how I think about my food, in that eating out has to become the rare exception, not a regular habit.
Lastly, I need to stay inspired. I've long known about myself that I am a "starter", definitely not a "finisher". I have a thousand crochet, jewelery and other projects strewn around my life to prove it. Hubby sighs every time I start something new, wondering if this is going to be the next project I sink time and money into just to abandon it a few weeks in. This might be my least favourite thing about myself... I'm easily bored of things and have trouble seeing projects through to the end. I'm still not sure what to do about this one. I can't seem to help getting all wrapped up in, and passionate about ideas and projects that catch my attention... I just can't remember the last time I saw one through to the end. So I'll have to keep thinking on that one... hopefully I'll come to some sort of answer before something shiny passes my way.
I spent a lot of time trying to pin point where things went wrong, because unless I can be honest with myself about where I failed, I can't begin to know what to fix.
I pondered Chris' suggestions. I like the idea of having to earn treats, so this is definitely going on my rules. If I want ice cream, I'm going to have to bike to get it. I thought over the idea of making a menu for the week, and only buying those items at the grocery store... but that's just not how hubby and I role. We're not planners in that sense and I think having to decide my whole week on Sunday would make me crazy. I can see this working well for others (as it is for Chris and his lovely lady)just not for us. Shopping isn't really a problem for us, in fact it's one area where we are really good, in that we don't buy any processed junk... when we shop. And that is really what the problem comes down to. When we get too busy grocery shopping slips to the bottom of the to-do list; and when there is nothing inspiring in the fridge we eat out.
So how do I solve this problem? I like the idea of devoting Sunday's to picking some recipes,grocery shopping, making a meal in the slow cooker and having a few things in mind for the week ahead. I can always stop at one of the several grocery stores on my route home to pick up anything else we might need. One thing that was working really well for us before was cooking large batches and freezing half for when we didn't feel like cooking.
I haven't quite figured out how this is going to work when we spend weekends at the cabin. Perhaps we'll have to devote some Monday nights to the cause.
When we were talking about all this the other night hubby pointed out something that I hadn't even realized was a problem, but definitely is. I have to start doing more of the cooking. When we were doing well before he was doing 95% of the cooking, and when he got busy with school, etc. our old eating habits reared their ugly heads. So I have to take on at least half the responsibility for our meals.
I have also decided that I am going to try not to eat out at all for the next month. I need to re-frame how I think about my food, in that eating out has to become the rare exception, not a regular habit.
Lastly, I need to stay inspired. I've long known about myself that I am a "starter", definitely not a "finisher". I have a thousand crochet, jewelery and other projects strewn around my life to prove it. Hubby sighs every time I start something new, wondering if this is going to be the next project I sink time and money into just to abandon it a few weeks in. This might be my least favourite thing about myself... I'm easily bored of things and have trouble seeing projects through to the end. I'm still not sure what to do about this one. I can't seem to help getting all wrapped up in, and passionate about ideas and projects that catch my attention... I just can't remember the last time I saw one through to the end. So I'll have to keep thinking on that one... hopefully I'll come to some sort of answer before something shiny passes my way.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Fraud
I'm feeling like a fraud... I've fallen off my self created wagon, BIG TIME. It's been ages since I've paid much attention to my rules. My junkie tendencies have taken over... just one chip, just this time... and suddenly I'm a full fledged eater again. I'm still not quite making the connection between what I know, what I want and what I actually DO. So when I'm here I'm preaching, but I'm not practicing... I feel like a smoker telling everyone how successfully I've quit, telling them how they can do it too... and then sneaking out for cigarettes. So I'm outing myself. Part of why I created this blog was to have some accountability to all of this.
The problem isn't that we've slipped back into eating pre-packaged grocery store items... we're still pretty good when we do cook at home. The problem is that we've gotten back into our eating out habit.
So, time to recommit. This is just as important to me as when I started, but I'm having trouble seeing that right now. All I can see is the easy road and the excuses. I need to give some thought to next steps.
I advised a friend today that to succeed at something she was trying to change, she needed more than just goals. I told her she needs to decide what steps were going to get her to her goals. So maybe I should be following my own advice (gee, you think??). My ultimate goal is to be a healthier/happier person... pretty vague and indefinable. I need something more tangible.
Ok... so here's my homework for tonight:
1) Set tangible goals
2) Decide on steps to achieve those goals
3) Set markers for success, and rewards for reaching those markers
It's Wednesday, so I'll report back by Friday.
In the mien time, if you have any suggestions to set me on my way feel free to let me know.
The problem isn't that we've slipped back into eating pre-packaged grocery store items... we're still pretty good when we do cook at home. The problem is that we've gotten back into our eating out habit.
So, time to recommit. This is just as important to me as when I started, but I'm having trouble seeing that right now. All I can see is the easy road and the excuses. I need to give some thought to next steps.
I advised a friend today that to succeed at something she was trying to change, she needed more than just goals. I told her she needs to decide what steps were going to get her to her goals. So maybe I should be following my own advice (gee, you think??). My ultimate goal is to be a healthier/happier person... pretty vague and indefinable. I need something more tangible.
Ok... so here's my homework for tonight:
1) Set tangible goals
2) Decide on steps to achieve those goals
3) Set markers for success, and rewards for reaching those markers
It's Wednesday, so I'll report back by Friday.
In the mien time, if you have any suggestions to set me on my way feel free to let me know.
Monday, April 19, 2010
"Happiness is Found Within"
I know I've been absent here for quite a while, but my blog has never been far from my thoughts. It just keeps getting lower and lower on the list of things I'm prioritizing, especially with the nice weather. Normally I'd be prone to feeling bad about this... but I've been prioritizing things like being outside, joining a writing group, working on my other writing projects, planning my next trip, joining a book club... so I've put my guilt aside and decided I'd get back here when I got back. All that said, I've been working out this post in my mind for a good 3 weeks now and I have been compiling bits of information in that time.
Last week I was eating some very delicious ice cream, on a very warm evening. Hubby noticed something I found rather funny... on the side of the container were the words "Happiness is Found Within". Now I'm rather torn about this phrase on the side of my ice cream. I can't deny that on one of the first evenings that the city did not cool down after the sun disappeared, the first evening that to me screamed "SUMMER!", that moment with my husband and my ice cream, was happiness. The kind that makes life good by spotting it with pin points of joy. So: warm night in April + husband + ice cream = joy. The equation wouldn't have quite added up any other way. Sometimes, food can add to happiness. I'm still having some trouble with this phrase on the side of the ice cream container. Why? Because I have trouble with the idea that food can equal happiness. It's a concept I'm trying to balance with my learning not to rely on food for emotional rewards. I'm not there yet, so I have trouble with a label that tells me that junk food = happiness... even though it can. Confused yet? Me too... sigh.
All of this leads me to the topic at hand: Labels. Not the kind we put on people, the kind we put on food, and our willingness to believe them without question. What got me thinking about this was an email sent to me by a friend about All-Bran Snack Bites. Up until now I've been pretty conscientious about keeping brand names out of my blog... partly because I'm not here to provide shortcuts, vilify particular foods or brands, or make up your mind for you... I'm here to encourage you to read labels, do research and think things through for yourself to come to your own conclusions about what you feel is acceptable for you to put in your body. I'm going to use All Bran as an example, citing nutritional information provided on their website (allbran.ca) to reinforce a point I feel is exceptionally important.
What is the first thing you think of when you hear the brand name "All-Bran"? Pause for a minute and think on it.
Done? I think of something healthful. My first instinct is to trust All-Bran as a brand to feed me something nutritious. It's right there in the name, right? BRAN! What if I were to tell you that the first ingredient on All-Bran Snack Bites, Cinnamon/Brown Sugar Flavour is: SUGAR/GLUCOSE-FRUCTOSE! So, not a good start. I decided to put the Snack Bites up against a similar product from a brand none of us thinks of as "healthy" - Hershey's. Here's how the two measure up on a few of the main nutritional facts:
All-Bran Snack Bites, Cinnamon/Brown Sugar Flavour (1 serving = 1pkg or 28g)
100 Calories
3.5g Fat
5g Fiber
4% of your daily sodium requirement
8g sugar
Hershey's Snacksters, Reese Flavour (1 serving = 1 pkg or 20 gr)
100 Calories
4g Fat
3% of your daily sodium requirement
8g sugar
So, let's note a few things here. Same calorie count, but you get more food for your calories with the All-Bran. Almost identical fat content. Very similar sodium content. Equal amounts of sugar. Fiber is the great divide here with the Hershey product having negligible amounts and the All-Bran bar having 5 grams. So, yes overall the All-Bran Bar comes out ahead as the better choice - but not by a huge margin. I'd be interested to compare ingredients, but couldn't find them on the Hershey site. I'm fairly certain All-Bran would come out ahead there as well, but after having a look at their ingredients I'd have to say they don't make the list of things I'm eating.
On a slightly separate bent, but still with regards to labeling, I've come across some very interesting factoids around fiber. Notice lately that every where you turn in the supermarket things are boasting about some magic ingredient they contain to make your life better/healthier? A lot of products are claiming to be high in fiber. Awesome, right? Fiber is terrific for us. Yes, it certainly is... however according the Centre of Science in the Public Interest many foods are having a form of fiber known as "purified powders" added to up their fiber content. Unfortunately this group is asserting that these types of fibers (check ingredients lists for: Polydextrose, maltodextrin and inulin) carry almost none of the benefits that you think you should be getting from fiber. My rule of thumb is that if they contain ingredients I can't identify (ie: inulin, maltodextrin and polydextrose) I don't eat them. Here's a safe bet... if you're not getting your fiber from a plant, you should at the very least be able to identify the ingredient it's coming from in your food (ie: whole grains).
Some other interesting label tricks to watch for:
Sugar (or anything else for that matter) - just because it's not the first ingredient doesn't mean it's not the most prevalent one. Pay attention to how many times different forms of sugar reoccur on an ingredient list - if there are 3 or 4 different types of sugar, chances are sugar should have been first on the list. Nice loophole Mr. Corporation.
Serving Size - we like to assume that if something comes in a pre-packaged "single serving" size, that the nutritional information matches the size offered in the package. Not necessarily, so be sure to check.
If you have a preconceived notion about a particular food or brand, and have been assuming it has health benefits, read the nutritional information and ingredients! Now that you know what's in your food you can make an educated decision about whether or not you want to eat what's in it!
The moral of the story: You don’t believe my ice cream container when it tells you “happiness is within”; so why would you believe that bag of taco chips is better for you because it says “multi-grain” on the bag? Or to paraphrase Michael Pollan: A carrot didn't need to advertise for you to know it was healthy.
Last week I was eating some very delicious ice cream, on a very warm evening. Hubby noticed something I found rather funny... on the side of the container were the words "Happiness is Found Within". Now I'm rather torn about this phrase on the side of my ice cream. I can't deny that on one of the first evenings that the city did not cool down after the sun disappeared, the first evening that to me screamed "SUMMER!", that moment with my husband and my ice cream, was happiness. The kind that makes life good by spotting it with pin points of joy. So: warm night in April + husband + ice cream = joy. The equation wouldn't have quite added up any other way. Sometimes, food can add to happiness. I'm still having some trouble with this phrase on the side of the ice cream container. Why? Because I have trouble with the idea that food can equal happiness. It's a concept I'm trying to balance with my learning not to rely on food for emotional rewards. I'm not there yet, so I have trouble with a label that tells me that junk food = happiness... even though it can. Confused yet? Me too... sigh.
All of this leads me to the topic at hand: Labels. Not the kind we put on people, the kind we put on food, and our willingness to believe them without question. What got me thinking about this was an email sent to me by a friend about All-Bran Snack Bites. Up until now I've been pretty conscientious about keeping brand names out of my blog... partly because I'm not here to provide shortcuts, vilify particular foods or brands, or make up your mind for you... I'm here to encourage you to read labels, do research and think things through for yourself to come to your own conclusions about what you feel is acceptable for you to put in your body. I'm going to use All Bran as an example, citing nutritional information provided on their website (allbran.ca) to reinforce a point I feel is exceptionally important.
What is the first thing you think of when you hear the brand name "All-Bran"? Pause for a minute and think on it.
Done? I think of something healthful. My first instinct is to trust All-Bran as a brand to feed me something nutritious. It's right there in the name, right? BRAN! What if I were to tell you that the first ingredient on All-Bran Snack Bites, Cinnamon/Brown Sugar Flavour is: SUGAR/GLUCOSE-FRUCTOSE! So, not a good start. I decided to put the Snack Bites up against a similar product from a brand none of us thinks of as "healthy" - Hershey's. Here's how the two measure up on a few of the main nutritional facts:
All-Bran Snack Bites, Cinnamon/Brown Sugar Flavour (1 serving = 1pkg or 28g)
100 Calories
3.5g Fat
5g Fiber
4% of your daily sodium requirement
8g sugar
Hershey's Snacksters, Reese Flavour (1 serving = 1 pkg or 20 gr)
100 Calories
4g Fat
3% of your daily sodium requirement
8g sugar
So, let's note a few things here. Same calorie count, but you get more food for your calories with the All-Bran. Almost identical fat content. Very similar sodium content. Equal amounts of sugar. Fiber is the great divide here with the Hershey product having negligible amounts and the All-Bran bar having 5 grams. So, yes overall the All-Bran Bar comes out ahead as the better choice - but not by a huge margin. I'd be interested to compare ingredients, but couldn't find them on the Hershey site. I'm fairly certain All-Bran would come out ahead there as well, but after having a look at their ingredients I'd have to say they don't make the list of things I'm eating.
On a slightly separate bent, but still with regards to labeling, I've come across some very interesting factoids around fiber. Notice lately that every where you turn in the supermarket things are boasting about some magic ingredient they contain to make your life better/healthier? A lot of products are claiming to be high in fiber. Awesome, right? Fiber is terrific for us. Yes, it certainly is... however according the Centre of Science in the Public Interest many foods are having a form of fiber known as "purified powders" added to up their fiber content. Unfortunately this group is asserting that these types of fibers (check ingredients lists for: Polydextrose, maltodextrin and inulin) carry almost none of the benefits that you think you should be getting from fiber. My rule of thumb is that if they contain ingredients I can't identify (ie: inulin, maltodextrin and polydextrose) I don't eat them. Here's a safe bet... if you're not getting your fiber from a plant, you should at the very least be able to identify the ingredient it's coming from in your food (ie: whole grains).
Some other interesting label tricks to watch for:
Sugar (or anything else for that matter) - just because it's not the first ingredient doesn't mean it's not the most prevalent one. Pay attention to how many times different forms of sugar reoccur on an ingredient list - if there are 3 or 4 different types of sugar, chances are sugar should have been first on the list. Nice loophole Mr. Corporation.
Serving Size - we like to assume that if something comes in a pre-packaged "single serving" size, that the nutritional information matches the size offered in the package. Not necessarily, so be sure to check.
If you have a preconceived notion about a particular food or brand, and have been assuming it has health benefits, read the nutritional information and ingredients! Now that you know what's in your food you can make an educated decision about whether or not you want to eat what's in it!
The moral of the story: You don’t believe my ice cream container when it tells you “happiness is within”; so why would you believe that bag of taco chips is better for you because it says “multi-grain” on the bag? Or to paraphrase Michael Pollan: A carrot didn't need to advertise for you to know it was healthy.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
The meal that might outlive you
I’ve been waiting patiently to have something I felt was worth writing about here. It’s been a while… things are easier than they were when I started. I know which breads I can eat in the grocery store, but have actually been making my own instead. I no longer spend hours shopping for food, trying to figuring out what I can and can’t eat. Our shops are quick and usually consist of fruit, vegetables, canned beans and tomatoes to use as the base for things, milk, cheese and meat. We barely visit the middle isles of the grocery store anymore. So with the struggle to fumble my way around my new world of food more or less behind me, I find myself with less to write about.
Not to worry though, faithful readers (I know there are a few of you… you’ve been asking me where I went)… I’ve finally had some ideas come my way. Unfortunately I’ve been waylaid by some things that have come up in my personal/professional life that have kept me busy. I was selected to be part of a Community Grants Committee at work, which is amazing… I get to help decide where our company spends its charitable dollars! It is a ton of reading though, and I’ve got to get it all done before I leave for my honeymoon this weekend. I am also up for a new position, so I’m trying to prepare for an interview this week. So things are hectic, but good.
Back to the matter at hand… something disturbing sent to me by a friend: http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2010/03/19/13292591-qmi.html
In case you don’t feel like reading the article, you should at least check out the link to see the pictures. In short a woman is claiming to have left a McDonald’s Happy Meal sitting on a shelf for a year. She says it has not rotted or decomposed in any way shape or form, and that rather than getting smellier, it has ceased to smell at all. I want to be clear on my position here (mostly because I’d prefer not to be sued by McDonalds). I am not endorsing this link, or supporting this research. There is nothing quantitative in this particular article, proving that this is legitimate (she may have this proof, I just haven’t seen it).
What I want to talk about is not the information itself, but the way I’ve seen people react to the information. I showed this to almost a dozen people at work. Most shrugged, some said “Yeah, what did you expect?” and still others said the picture made them think they wanted McDonalds for lunch. Someone even went so far as to joke that they’d gladly feed their kid indestructible food, because it would make him indestructible. The only people who were at all upset about this are the ones who would have avoided fast food before seeing this.
Are we really so removed from our bodies and our health that we don’t understand that food should rot? I find it incredible that a species that has lost all ability to instinctually recognize what it should not ingest, has thrived the way we have. We are so confused about what food is.
So if those who are most likely to eat these things are the ones least affected by this information, how do we make any change? I’m reminded of what my husband refers to as the “fattest thing” I ever said (and it was). Several years ago we were lying around watching TV, and I was eating one of those ice cream cones that come from a box. I looked at him and said “I don’t care if it is made of feathers; it’s delicious!” So I can relate to this mentality. What I’m trying to figure out is how I got from there to here. It’s not that I don’t still love and want those foods. It’s just that I finally understand how unnatural it is to eat that way. How much my body suffers when I do. Maybe I’d finally seen one too many articles about food that didn’t rot. I really can’t say. I think that somewhere deep down I always got it, I just didn’t want to get it. In the end I guess that’s the answer… you have to want to get it.
Not to worry though, faithful readers (I know there are a few of you… you’ve been asking me where I went)… I’ve finally had some ideas come my way. Unfortunately I’ve been waylaid by some things that have come up in my personal/professional life that have kept me busy. I was selected to be part of a Community Grants Committee at work, which is amazing… I get to help decide where our company spends its charitable dollars! It is a ton of reading though, and I’ve got to get it all done before I leave for my honeymoon this weekend. I am also up for a new position, so I’m trying to prepare for an interview this week. So things are hectic, but good.
Back to the matter at hand… something disturbing sent to me by a friend: http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2010/03/19/13292591-qmi.html
In case you don’t feel like reading the article, you should at least check out the link to see the pictures. In short a woman is claiming to have left a McDonald’s Happy Meal sitting on a shelf for a year. She says it has not rotted or decomposed in any way shape or form, and that rather than getting smellier, it has ceased to smell at all. I want to be clear on my position here (mostly because I’d prefer not to be sued by McDonalds). I am not endorsing this link, or supporting this research. There is nothing quantitative in this particular article, proving that this is legitimate (she may have this proof, I just haven’t seen it).
What I want to talk about is not the information itself, but the way I’ve seen people react to the information. I showed this to almost a dozen people at work. Most shrugged, some said “Yeah, what did you expect?” and still others said the picture made them think they wanted McDonalds for lunch. Someone even went so far as to joke that they’d gladly feed their kid indestructible food, because it would make him indestructible. The only people who were at all upset about this are the ones who would have avoided fast food before seeing this.
Are we really so removed from our bodies and our health that we don’t understand that food should rot? I find it incredible that a species that has lost all ability to instinctually recognize what it should not ingest, has thrived the way we have. We are so confused about what food is.
So if those who are most likely to eat these things are the ones least affected by this information, how do we make any change? I’m reminded of what my husband refers to as the “fattest thing” I ever said (and it was). Several years ago we were lying around watching TV, and I was eating one of those ice cream cones that come from a box. I looked at him and said “I don’t care if it is made of feathers; it’s delicious!” So I can relate to this mentality. What I’m trying to figure out is how I got from there to here. It’s not that I don’t still love and want those foods. It’s just that I finally understand how unnatural it is to eat that way. How much my body suffers when I do. Maybe I’d finally seen one too many articles about food that didn’t rot. I really can’t say. I think that somewhere deep down I always got it, I just didn’t want to get it. In the end I guess that’s the answer… you have to want to get it.
Monday, March 8, 2010
The Three Pizza Week
Since my last post, almost 10 days ago, I've had a slip... which might account for my not wanting to get on here and chronicle what's been going on. It was not a conscious decision, just the path life took me down over the last week. Last Sunday night we had gotten home from the cabin, there were none of our slow cooker easy meals in the freezer (which has been my saving grace on days we don't feel like dealing with the kitchen), we were tired and feeling lazy. It had been well over a week since the last time we'd eaten out... so ordering pizza didn't seem like such a terrible idea. I hadn't had a good lunch, and was really hungry. I over ate for the first time in a month. I wasn't thrilled with myself, but figured there was always tomorrow and tomorrow would be better.
Monday was better. However, Tuesday rolled around and I found myself invited to my mother-in-law's for dinner. Usually a week night dinner over there is a fairly casual affair. She's usually got a home made casserole or something of the sort in the freezer, does up a salad, help yourself to whatever else. Tuesday dinner turned into an impromptu birthday dinner for my brother-in-law, for which we were picking up... pizza. No salad anywhere in sight. M'kay, what now? I had two pieces of vegetarian, which was not so bad until I came home famished and ate again.
Flash forward to Friday. The plan is to have dinner in the city and then head up to my best friend's cabin for the weekend. By the time hubby and I got home from school/work, got all our clothes and food for the weekend sorted, etc. we just wanted to get on the road and get going. We wound up picking up Burger King on the way out of town.
The weekend itself was great. My friends, who have all been extremely supportive of what I've been doing, showed they were willing to be supportive in more than just words. The whole weekend, right down to the snacks was designed to accommodate the way I've been eating. Instead of potato chips we had hummus and pita, guacamole, veggies and dip. Saturday night's potluck dinner was all home made from scratch and tofu was cooked separately for a vegetarian stir fry, so that I didn't have to pick it out. It was definitely the healthiest cottage excursion I've ever taken with anyone other than just me and hubby. Drinking does present a problem though... I'm not sure there's any way to work it into the rules. I had decided that the odd time I do drink it wouldn't kill me to make an exception to the rules. So it was a Caesar filled weekend.
Last night we got home from the cabin... again tired and feeling lazy. I'd thought we would eat the left over Saag Aloo (an Indian spinach and potato dish we'd made for Saturday's pot luck), but neither of us felt like it. Hubby was thrilled when I suggested we order pizza. In true junkie style, I figured I'd get in one last fix and start over Monday morning.
So here I am, Monday morning... evaluating my three pizza, Burger King, Caesar week. What went wrong? Well, a few things, but primarily I got lazy about planning ahead. Previously I'd been really good at looking ahead and spotting obstacles such as Sunday evenings after the cabin and meal times spent in cars. I neglected to make sure I had meals in the freezer and easily transportable foods. It's planning for things like this that makes a few drinks on the weekend, or an unexpected meal at my mother-in-law's, less detrimental overall. Instead a few small hits turned into last week.
All I can do now is start back at square one. I read somewhere that in many ways a food addiction is one the most impossible ones to quit. Now I don't know if that's true, as I have never had to go through the pain and suffering of detoxing from drugs or alcohol, and quitting smoking was not the battle for me it has been for others in my life, and I am not trying to compare my journey to that of anyone else. What I do know is this: unlike other addictions, food is the sustenance your body needs to function. I can't stop eating. So my challenge is not to remove the substance I abuse from my life completely... my challenge is to learn to distinguish between nourishment and just eating for the sake of eating. Last week I failed... but today I will succeed.
Monday was better. However, Tuesday rolled around and I found myself invited to my mother-in-law's for dinner. Usually a week night dinner over there is a fairly casual affair. She's usually got a home made casserole or something of the sort in the freezer, does up a salad, help yourself to whatever else. Tuesday dinner turned into an impromptu birthday dinner for my brother-in-law, for which we were picking up... pizza. No salad anywhere in sight. M'kay, what now? I had two pieces of vegetarian, which was not so bad until I came home famished and ate again.
Flash forward to Friday. The plan is to have dinner in the city and then head up to my best friend's cabin for the weekend. By the time hubby and I got home from school/work, got all our clothes and food for the weekend sorted, etc. we just wanted to get on the road and get going. We wound up picking up Burger King on the way out of town.
The weekend itself was great. My friends, who have all been extremely supportive of what I've been doing, showed they were willing to be supportive in more than just words. The whole weekend, right down to the snacks was designed to accommodate the way I've been eating. Instead of potato chips we had hummus and pita, guacamole, veggies and dip. Saturday night's potluck dinner was all home made from scratch and tofu was cooked separately for a vegetarian stir fry, so that I didn't have to pick it out. It was definitely the healthiest cottage excursion I've ever taken with anyone other than just me and hubby. Drinking does present a problem though... I'm not sure there's any way to work it into the rules. I had decided that the odd time I do drink it wouldn't kill me to make an exception to the rules. So it was a Caesar filled weekend.
Last night we got home from the cabin... again tired and feeling lazy. I'd thought we would eat the left over Saag Aloo (an Indian spinach and potato dish we'd made for Saturday's pot luck), but neither of us felt like it. Hubby was thrilled when I suggested we order pizza. In true junkie style, I figured I'd get in one last fix and start over Monday morning.
So here I am, Monday morning... evaluating my three pizza, Burger King, Caesar week. What went wrong? Well, a few things, but primarily I got lazy about planning ahead. Previously I'd been really good at looking ahead and spotting obstacles such as Sunday evenings after the cabin and meal times spent in cars. I neglected to make sure I had meals in the freezer and easily transportable foods. It's planning for things like this that makes a few drinks on the weekend, or an unexpected meal at my mother-in-law's, less detrimental overall. Instead a few small hits turned into last week.
All I can do now is start back at square one. I read somewhere that in many ways a food addiction is one the most impossible ones to quit. Now I don't know if that's true, as I have never had to go through the pain and suffering of detoxing from drugs or alcohol, and quitting smoking was not the battle for me it has been for others in my life, and I am not trying to compare my journey to that of anyone else. What I do know is this: unlike other addictions, food is the sustenance your body needs to function. I can't stop eating. So my challenge is not to remove the substance I abuse from my life completely... my challenge is to learn to distinguish between nourishment and just eating for the sake of eating. Last week I failed... but today I will succeed.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
4 Weeks and Counting
Yesterday marked 4 weeks, or 28 days, since the day I decided to make a change. 28 days seems like a good time to pause to evaluate how things are going. I believe it is the standard amount of rehab programs for those tackling addiction (or maybe just the name of a really bad Sandra Bullock movie on the subject). I decided last night that I would weigh myself. I've been holding out, but figured that once a month wouldn't hurt. Funny thing though, the batteries on my scale died. So I'll have to hold out a little longer... maybe we'll make it every two months. Or not at all. Maybe I'm becoming a little too fatalistic, but I feel like there was a reason the scale stopped working. I know, I know, batteries are bound to run out eventually regardless of messages the Universe might be trying to send me. The bottom line is that my clothes are fitting better. Last night hubby noted that I had visibly lost weight... when the person you live with notices a change you know something is happening. Now all this was not about weight loss, but being healthier. I can honestly say that my focus has changed... I don't think every day about how many calories or "points" I've consumed. I don't spend my time trying to figure out how little I can eat during the day so that I can snack in the evening. In fact, I rarely snack in the evening any more.
There are a few other things that have changed. I spend ages in the grocery store, hunting down the perfect loaf of bread. I've found some of the most delicious breads I've ever eaten. I don't focus on the cost, or calorie count of the things I buy... instead I read the ingredient labels. Last week I paid $1 more for Worcesteshire (sp?) sauce that had a short, recognizable list of ingredients. We have not saved money. The good news is that we've all but stopped eatting out and ordering food, so we've pretty much balanced out on this one.
I've discovered that I don't have to make EVERYTHING myself, but I can make most things and enjoy doing it. If you pay attention there are almost always versions of things with better ingredients. You can buy peanut butter with nothing but peanuts in it... or like my best friend and her partner, you can make it yourself and save yourself paying someone else to do it for you. It is super gratifying to eat food you made with your own hands and know that it is nourishing you.
I've discovered that avacodo is one of the best things you can spread on toast or a sandwich!
Most of all I feel proud of myself. For the first time in years I'm not getting down on myself for breaking down and making bad choices. It might seem like all this should be hard, and it has had its moments. But I really believe that this is the best decision I've ever made for myself and that makes it incredibly easy.
Lastly, 4 weeks in seems like a good time to thank all of you. Thank you to those of you who have been supportive. Thank you for the encouragement. Thank you for the tips, ideas, articles, videos, recipes, etc. Thank you to those who have told me I've been inspiring... that means more than I can say. Thank you just for reading. Most of all thanks to my husband who has been good humoured, supportive and encouraging in all of this.
Upward and onward into month two... I'll keep you all posted.
There are a few other things that have changed. I spend ages in the grocery store, hunting down the perfect loaf of bread. I've found some of the most delicious breads I've ever eaten. I don't focus on the cost, or calorie count of the things I buy... instead I read the ingredient labels. Last week I paid $1 more for Worcesteshire (sp?) sauce that had a short, recognizable list of ingredients. We have not saved money. The good news is that we've all but stopped eatting out and ordering food, so we've pretty much balanced out on this one.
I've discovered that I don't have to make EVERYTHING myself, but I can make most things and enjoy doing it. If you pay attention there are almost always versions of things with better ingredients. You can buy peanut butter with nothing but peanuts in it... or like my best friend and her partner, you can make it yourself and save yourself paying someone else to do it for you. It is super gratifying to eat food you made with your own hands and know that it is nourishing you.
I've discovered that avacodo is one of the best things you can spread on toast or a sandwich!
Most of all I feel proud of myself. For the first time in years I'm not getting down on myself for breaking down and making bad choices. It might seem like all this should be hard, and it has had its moments. But I really believe that this is the best decision I've ever made for myself and that makes it incredibly easy.
Lastly, 4 weeks in seems like a good time to thank all of you. Thank you to those of you who have been supportive. Thank you for the encouragement. Thank you for the tips, ideas, articles, videos, recipes, etc. Thank you to those who have told me I've been inspiring... that means more than I can say. Thank you just for reading. Most of all thanks to my husband who has been good humoured, supportive and encouraging in all of this.
Upward and onward into month two... I'll keep you all posted.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Dear Universe...
I'm not sure if it would be possible to take this journey without stopping to consider vegetarianism as an option. I've always had an inkling that where our meat comes from is generally not good... but that's just the stuff you get at McDonald's right? The stuff from the grocery store should be fine... right? There's been this nagging voice in the back of my brain for a few years now, insisting that there is more to it than that. I can't ignore it any more. They say ignorance is bliss... but I think ignorance in our society, in this day and age, is simply a refusal to do better. Doing better takes too much effort, and we all have so much on our plates already.
Here's the thing though: I love meat. Now that alone is not enough to make me decide that it's ok to eat it. I love potato chips, and fast food, and french fries, not to mention a thousand other things I've recently given up, but I'm not eating them any more because I recognize the harm they are doing to me, to the planet and to society. So I must consider the possibility of giving up meat. This becomes problematic on a very basic level, as soy is one of the things I am trying to avoid. On the other hand, I know too much now to continue ignoring the issue. I've now read about, and seen footage of the conditions feedlot cows and chickens are kept in. I've seen the shit that passes for their food, not to mention the knee deep shit they stand in all day. I don't mean to sound dramatic when I say that I now look at the meat we eat and I see misery. I see not only the last remains of an unhappy existence, but also the dehumanization of the people who are responsible for providing us with this food.
The problem that runs far deeper than the soy issue is that I've tried out vegetarianism. I gave it a long, hard attempt while I was in India for two months a few years ago. I was eating some of my favourite foods, and some of the most delicious vegetarian meals I've ever tasted. But at the end of the two months I was craving meat so badly that I broke down and got a McChicken. I figured at least at McDonald's the meat had probably been refrigerated. I regretted it afterward, not because it made me sick (it didn't), but because I had broken down and eaten McDonald's in India.
I was discussing all this with hubby last week. He's been a really good sport about all this. He helps me look through ingredient lists in the supermarket. He watches for things he thinks I can have and will pick them up for me if I'm not around. He makes sure we always have fresh fruit and vegetables in the house. He's been making meals, according to my specifications in the slow cooker on a regular basis. But when I brought up the fact that I was starting to worry about the meat we were eating he looked at me in horror and asked "You're not going to become a vegetarian are you?" I laughed and told him I didn't think so. In fact, I think he would fare better as a vegetarian than I would. He had no problem getting through two months in India without meat.
So I've been mulling all this over in my head, trying to figure out what I'm going to do. I know that there are free range, grass fed options out there, I just had to look into them. Then I got home one night last week and hubby informed me that the guy who sells bison at the farmer's market called. We'd signed up last summer for a draw for some free bison, and had left our phone number. He'd called to let us know that he frequently does deliveries in our area and to ask if we'd be interested in having him come by our place. Hubby asked him if he only sold bison, or if he sold other meats as well, which he did. He went on to explain that all his meat was free range, grass fed, hormone and antibiotic free, etc. He has a refrigerated truck which he will pull up outside your home, so you can "shop" for whatever meat you would like without having to order ahead. I don't believe in coincidences. To me this was the universe's equivalent of sending me a letter: "Dear Shawn, you are on the right track. Keep up the good work. Much love, the Forces of the Universe." It could not be any clearer. My next steps are to switch to eating only free range, properly fed animals. It might sound contrary to everything I've just said, but I don't eat tons of meat as it is. My decision is to be a part time vegetarian; to only eat meat when I know where it comes from. That much I can manage.
"Dear Universe, thanks for the support. Much love, Shawn."
Here's the thing though: I love meat. Now that alone is not enough to make me decide that it's ok to eat it. I love potato chips, and fast food, and french fries, not to mention a thousand other things I've recently given up, but I'm not eating them any more because I recognize the harm they are doing to me, to the planet and to society. So I must consider the possibility of giving up meat. This becomes problematic on a very basic level, as soy is one of the things I am trying to avoid. On the other hand, I know too much now to continue ignoring the issue. I've now read about, and seen footage of the conditions feedlot cows and chickens are kept in. I've seen the shit that passes for their food, not to mention the knee deep shit they stand in all day. I don't mean to sound dramatic when I say that I now look at the meat we eat and I see misery. I see not only the last remains of an unhappy existence, but also the dehumanization of the people who are responsible for providing us with this food.
The problem that runs far deeper than the soy issue is that I've tried out vegetarianism. I gave it a long, hard attempt while I was in India for two months a few years ago. I was eating some of my favourite foods, and some of the most delicious vegetarian meals I've ever tasted. But at the end of the two months I was craving meat so badly that I broke down and got a McChicken. I figured at least at McDonald's the meat had probably been refrigerated. I regretted it afterward, not because it made me sick (it didn't), but because I had broken down and eaten McDonald's in India.
I was discussing all this with hubby last week. He's been a really good sport about all this. He helps me look through ingredient lists in the supermarket. He watches for things he thinks I can have and will pick them up for me if I'm not around. He makes sure we always have fresh fruit and vegetables in the house. He's been making meals, according to my specifications in the slow cooker on a regular basis. But when I brought up the fact that I was starting to worry about the meat we were eating he looked at me in horror and asked "You're not going to become a vegetarian are you?" I laughed and told him I didn't think so. In fact, I think he would fare better as a vegetarian than I would. He had no problem getting through two months in India without meat.
So I've been mulling all this over in my head, trying to figure out what I'm going to do. I know that there are free range, grass fed options out there, I just had to look into them. Then I got home one night last week and hubby informed me that the guy who sells bison at the farmer's market called. We'd signed up last summer for a draw for some free bison, and had left our phone number. He'd called to let us know that he frequently does deliveries in our area and to ask if we'd be interested in having him come by our place. Hubby asked him if he only sold bison, or if he sold other meats as well, which he did. He went on to explain that all his meat was free range, grass fed, hormone and antibiotic free, etc. He has a refrigerated truck which he will pull up outside your home, so you can "shop" for whatever meat you would like without having to order ahead. I don't believe in coincidences. To me this was the universe's equivalent of sending me a letter: "Dear Shawn, you are on the right track. Keep up the good work. Much love, the Forces of the Universe." It could not be any clearer. My next steps are to switch to eating only free range, properly fed animals. It might sound contrary to everything I've just said, but I don't eat tons of meat as it is. My decision is to be a part time vegetarian; to only eat meat when I know where it comes from. That much I can manage.
"Dear Universe, thanks for the support. Much love, Shawn."
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Chocolate covered bacon, and other scenes from an airport
Airports are funny places. They are generally home to two different kinds of traveler. There are the nervous travelers, leery of this foreign landscape, always worried about the next leg of the journey... there are so many obstacles for these people, it's no wonder every small step is nerve wracking... a slow check in line, followed by the security line up, the worry that security or customs will "bust" you with some accidental contraband. Then if you have a layover, the anxiety of whether or not your first flight will make you late for your second, not to mention having to navigate the strange landscape of unknown airports. The second type of travelers are the business folk, who fly 100+ times a year. These people seldom look worried. They know that there are always airport hotels and later flights. To be fair, they seldom have to worry that they might lose a day of precious vacation time.
I watched all this going on around me on my way from Winnipeg to Raleigh, North Carolina, last week. The line to check in for my flight was unbelievably slow, thank you to United Airline's superb customer service :P, compounded by a long security line, etc. I know that when I check in only 20 minutes before my flight, and still have to hit customs and security, I might be in trouble. I also know that if half to three quarters of the other people on my flight are with me, that plane is not going anywhere for a bit. I float somewhere in between these two types of travelers. I fly frequently enough to know it's mostly all hurry up and wait. However, I do generally have those precious vacation days at stake, so I still don't like the idea of being hung up in Chicago overnight.
I started my trip to Raleigh with a new set of worries I don't normally even consider. I'd be travelling from mid-afternoon to about 11 pm. So what on earth was I going to eat for dinner? I'd read somewhere that a Mexican place can be an ok option because you can always get a bean burrito and rice. I've been through O'Hare international about a thousand times, and I had no recollection of any Mexican restaurants. With that in mind I'd tried to smuggle an apple in my purse. I'd thought about just keeping my mouth shut and hoping no one would notice. However, lying to customs, or rather trying to pull a fast one on them, has not once gone my way.
"Any food with you mam?" The US Boarder Guard inquired. "Just an apple in my purse." I replied casually. He went through his litany... and just when I thought I was in the clear, he added: "Just see the man in this office and show him your apple." Um, ok. I turn the corner into the room he's pointed at. The man looks up from the counter. "Can I help you mam?" He smiles. "I’m supposed to show you my apple." I'm informed that if my apple has a sticker I might be able to take it. Presumably they want to know that it was grown in the US. My apple is BC Organic, but it has no sticker to defend itself with. Some crazy person removed it when she washed her apple that morning. I have two options, I can eat my apple or I can throw it away. I'm full from lunch and have less than 20 minutes until my flight. Still, I hate to throw away perfectly good food. I offered it to the Border Guard. He declined.
So now here i am in Chicago, apple-less. I'm not hungry yet, but I like to gather what I need, find my gate and stay put. So I'm trying to forage for something I can eat. I will get McDonald's if I have to, but I'm not ready to break that big just yet. In my hunt for something to eat, I notice another strange thing about airports... they've become mini-cities. Aside from all the retail outlets, there are a McDonald's and a Starbuck's on every corner. But when you look more closely there are other options, you just have to be watching for them. I found a shop with fruit and nuts on display in the window. The apples and pears are alarmingly large, but given the choice between a GMO'd pear and a Big Mac, I'll take the pear. I also bought some nuts and dried fruit. Not really a meal, I know, but enough to get me through the evening, and stay true to my mission.
Just a side note, to finish things up... While in line buying my fruit and nuts I notice something slightly disturbing... a piece of bacon dipped in chocolate masquerading as a candy bar... is there nothing we won't eat???
I watched all this going on around me on my way from Winnipeg to Raleigh, North Carolina, last week. The line to check in for my flight was unbelievably slow, thank you to United Airline's superb customer service :P, compounded by a long security line, etc. I know that when I check in only 20 minutes before my flight, and still have to hit customs and security, I might be in trouble. I also know that if half to three quarters of the other people on my flight are with me, that plane is not going anywhere for a bit. I float somewhere in between these two types of travelers. I fly frequently enough to know it's mostly all hurry up and wait. However, I do generally have those precious vacation days at stake, so I still don't like the idea of being hung up in Chicago overnight.
I started my trip to Raleigh with a new set of worries I don't normally even consider. I'd be travelling from mid-afternoon to about 11 pm. So what on earth was I going to eat for dinner? I'd read somewhere that a Mexican place can be an ok option because you can always get a bean burrito and rice. I've been through O'Hare international about a thousand times, and I had no recollection of any Mexican restaurants. With that in mind I'd tried to smuggle an apple in my purse. I'd thought about just keeping my mouth shut and hoping no one would notice. However, lying to customs, or rather trying to pull a fast one on them, has not once gone my way.
"Any food with you mam?" The US Boarder Guard inquired. "Just an apple in my purse." I replied casually. He went through his litany... and just when I thought I was in the clear, he added: "Just see the man in this office and show him your apple." Um, ok. I turn the corner into the room he's pointed at. The man looks up from the counter. "Can I help you mam?" He smiles. "I’m supposed to show you my apple." I'm informed that if my apple has a sticker I might be able to take it. Presumably they want to know that it was grown in the US. My apple is BC Organic, but it has no sticker to defend itself with. Some crazy person removed it when she washed her apple that morning. I have two options, I can eat my apple or I can throw it away. I'm full from lunch and have less than 20 minutes until my flight. Still, I hate to throw away perfectly good food. I offered it to the Border Guard. He declined.
So now here i am in Chicago, apple-less. I'm not hungry yet, but I like to gather what I need, find my gate and stay put. So I'm trying to forage for something I can eat. I will get McDonald's if I have to, but I'm not ready to break that big just yet. In my hunt for something to eat, I notice another strange thing about airports... they've become mini-cities. Aside from all the retail outlets, there are a McDonald's and a Starbuck's on every corner. But when you look more closely there are other options, you just have to be watching for them. I found a shop with fruit and nuts on display in the window. The apples and pears are alarmingly large, but given the choice between a GMO'd pear and a Big Mac, I'll take the pear. I also bought some nuts and dried fruit. Not really a meal, I know, but enough to get me through the evening, and stay true to my mission.
Just a side note, to finish things up... While in line buying my fruit and nuts I notice something slightly disturbing... a piece of bacon dipped in chocolate masquerading as a candy bar... is there nothing we won't eat???
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
To weigh or not to weigh
Well I think I have to start by saying that Sunday night's bread did NOT turn out. Rather than the light fluffy delicious loaves I'd imagined, I got two dense lumps. I don't hate dense breads, so I cut a slice off one of the loaves and did not attempt to disguise it with butter or any other spread. I wanted the genuine flavour of my very own bread. It was awful. I've since discussed some of the possible pit falls with a friend whose family owns a very succesful local bakery and I think I've figured out a few of the places I went wrong. Apparently it is almost impossible to get bread to rise properly using only whole wheat flour, further to this I think the flour was stale. So there we have our dense loaves, and our crappy flavour. To top it off my apartment is pretty cold, so the dough was likely not warm enough while it was trying to rise. I was going to take picture of my sad little loaves, but hubby threw them out before I had the chance. Just as well. I will try again, although I'm not sure how I'm going to get around the white flour issue, as it is one of the things I'm trying to avoid. I'll have to do some investigating. I'll report back when I have more info on that.
One of my struggles over the last few days has been whether or not to weigh myself. I am so used to my Weight Watchers routine that not weighing myself every week (especially when I'm feeling the results might be good) is a hard habit to break. Part of me wants the reward of seeing that number go down, and part of me needs to quantify the results of my new venture. But I keep going back to my first post, where I said that this wasn't going to be about weight loss, but about health. How can this not be about weight loss if I am weighing myself? I can say with certainty that my clothes are fitting better, and I feel less bloated. So for now that is going to have to be enough.
Some challenges are coming my way this week... namely dinner at my mother-in-laws, followed by 4 days at my mom's place in Raleigh, NC. I'm not too worried about these, but it is going to be hard to relinquish control so early in the game. There are also the issues of having to spend about a half day travelling,each way. Normally I would pack up some veggies, etc to take with me. This is what I did for the trips to and from the cabin this weekend, since both times they fell during meal times. I'm a little worried about having trouble "bringing" vegetables across the border. That may sound paranoid, because it's not as thought I'm planning on landing in the US with my snacks. A few years ago an unfriendly border guard (shocking I know, they're usually so sunny) accused me of lying about not having any food to bring into the US because I was carrying a Tim Horton's bagel. If anyone has any suggestions that might prevent me from having to eat dinner at the McDonald's in O'Hare (I have a layover there from 4 to 8 pm) I'd love to hear your ideas.
One of my struggles over the last few days has been whether or not to weigh myself. I am so used to my Weight Watchers routine that not weighing myself every week (especially when I'm feeling the results might be good) is a hard habit to break. Part of me wants the reward of seeing that number go down, and part of me needs to quantify the results of my new venture. But I keep going back to my first post, where I said that this wasn't going to be about weight loss, but about health. How can this not be about weight loss if I am weighing myself? I can say with certainty that my clothes are fitting better, and I feel less bloated. So for now that is going to have to be enough.
Some challenges are coming my way this week... namely dinner at my mother-in-laws, followed by 4 days at my mom's place in Raleigh, NC. I'm not too worried about these, but it is going to be hard to relinquish control so early in the game. There are also the issues of having to spend about a half day travelling,each way. Normally I would pack up some veggies, etc to take with me. This is what I did for the trips to and from the cabin this weekend, since both times they fell during meal times. I'm a little worried about having trouble "bringing" vegetables across the border. That may sound paranoid, because it's not as thought I'm planning on landing in the US with my snacks. A few years ago an unfriendly border guard (shocking I know, they're usually so sunny) accused me of lying about not having any food to bring into the US because I was carrying a Tim Horton's bagel. If anyone has any suggestions that might prevent me from having to eat dinner at the McDonald's in O'Hare (I have a layover there from 4 to 8 pm) I'd love to hear your ideas.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
I Live with my Drug Dealer
I’ve been almost completely off processed foods for a week now. The husband and I started out the week with a commitment to making our own meals from scratch. By mid-week I’d discovered a whole slew of things around my kitchen that were corn, soy and chemicals in disguise. So the commitment, at least for me, altered. Not only am I going to make my own meals, but I am going to make them out of real food… not high fructose corn syrup, and hydrogenated soy. I’ve had some slips, but for the most part it’s been a successful week.
The hardest part of all this isn’t changing my eating habits; it’s changing them while living with someone who is only half on board. My husband is right there with me wanting to make meals from scratch… it’s the elimination of the ingredients he is used to using that is presenting more of a challenge. He’s fascinated, and he’s supportive… he’s just not ready to go the whole way. At lunch today while I’m eating a veggie sandwich, with hummus, on organic spelt bread with wild rice (which is dense, but awesome tasting bread, with not a trace of anything you wouldn't put in bread you made at home), the husband is settling in with two maple smokies which smell absolutely fantastic. “Is this hard?” he asks. I’ll admit it is a little bit tempting, but I’ve just finished reading a section of “Omnivore’s Dilemma” which talks about what we feed beef cows. My sandwich is definitely looking more appealing. I followed it up with an apple.
As I write he is dangling dark chocolate over my head… taunting me. I’m not making this shit up. I live with my drug dealer… in fairness to him he brought the chocolate over thinking it was something I could eat, the packaging looks quite “wholesome” (oh how willing we are to blindly believe in packaging). I make him read the ingredients, half way through he is laughing at himself. Whether he is ready to come on board or not he is learning. And he is at the very least humouring me. He wanted to make cookies this weekend, to which I jokingly responded that I wouldn’t eat them unless he made them with whole wheat flour and raw sugar… he bought both.
Truth be told, last night I broke down. I found a bag of my favourite snack food,
Today I got back on my wagon. Remember how a few days ago I was joking about making my own mayonnaise? Well we were going through the recipe books at the cabin, and found one for mayonnaise. It didn't look to hard, so this morning we made some. It was great, not quite as thick as what we're used to. I'm not sure if that's owing to all the "extras" Helmans is putting in, or if it just might take some tweeking, but regardless the flavour was good.
We have been talking a while about getting a bread maker. This weekend we decided to try making our own bread all by ourselves... if it proved really cumbersome then we'd look into a bread maker. When we got back to the city we went straight to the grocery store to pick up yeast. It had been the only thing stopping us from trying over the weekend. We got home and I started on it straight away. I decided to start with something simple, plain old whole wheat bread. This is not back breaking work! It's mixing a few dry ingredients with oil, water and milk. The most difficult part is the kneading, which I honestly found totally enjoyable. It's relaxing, even kind of meditative, and even a bit of a work out. As I type my first attempt at bread is rising in a bowl in the kitchen. I've never been so excited to eat bread in my whole life. If this is what it feels like to be connected to your food, I'm in. I can't believe I'm just figuring this out.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Hydrogenated Soy?????
I have to start by saying that I am home with the flu today. Part of me can't help wondering if it's the flu, or if just a few days of nearly no processed foods is kicking my body into detox. I'm leaning towards actually having the flu, because hubby has been home sick two days previous to today.
I'm done "Food Rules". One of the best things about this book is that it is not a dense read, or difficult to understand. It is a simple and straight forward manual to recognizing what qualifies as real food, and how much of it you really should be eating.
The most surprising thing I've come across so far is a slew of negative information about soy... that's right, the wonder food of vegetarianism is being modified in ways that, like corn, sugars, etc. are exceptionally bad for you. The rule that led to my research advises that you not eat foods that are pretending to be something they are not, and lists soy-based fake meats as an example. So I've done some online research, and as with any other food there are pro and con advocates. Much of the negative research seems to link soy oil with suppressed thyroid activity, which leads to weight gain. The bottom line, so far as I can see it, is that much like any other food soy should be eaten in moderation. The problem? Much like corn, it is starting to show up in EVERYTHING. Case in point: I'm making dinner last night and I pick up my pre-fab spice mix (I won't mention brands here... just read your ingredient labels), and I figure this must be safe, it's just a mix of spices. I was shocked to see that I was completely wrong... the spices were some of the last things on the list of ingredients. I was not shocked to see salt had been added, however I was taken back by the addition of hydrogenated soy... hydrogenated soy? Now hydrogenated is one of those bad buzz words that has my back up immediately, but to be honest I didn't actually know what it meant. Thank goodness for Google... what did people do before they could look things up online? Here's what I found: Essentially this is the process of heating oil so that the fatty acids can acquire hydrogen, making the oil more butterlike, but cheaper to produce. So what is this doing in my spice mix? I can only guess that it's there to add flavour... bah.
This got me curious. What other seemingly harmless things were lurking around my kitchen? Well, tons... chili paste, canned coconut milk, more or less all my condiments... at this rate I'm going to be making my own mayonnaise soon. So how am I going to manage this without becoming one of those people everyone dreads having over for dinner, because they can't eat anything? The answer to this one comes straight from my mother's rule book: control what you can eat, when you can... when you can't don't stress about it, just enjoy. My mother is one of the most health conscience people I know, and she hasn't eaten red meat in years, but even she will graciously eat a hamburger on the rare occasion when some unsuspecting host serves her one.
Now this all begs the question, what am I eating? And the answer is: plenty! Hubby and I made a stew in the slow cooker the other day... tons of veggies, a small roast from the butchers, chopped up, flavoured with a mix of spices, port (MP advises one glass of wine a day!), etc. We ate that for a dinner and packed some up for lunch the next day. The rest went in the freezer for next time we don't feel like cooking. We almost always have a batch of home made curry of some sort in the fridge, so I've been eating that with rice. Home made hummus is something I'll have a little of between meals, or with pita and salad for lunch.
I'll be honest, most of the from scratch foods in our house are not made by me. The one thing I do really well is marinara sauce from scratch, so last night I decided it was my turn to do up a home cooked meal. The secret ingredient in my sauce? My pre-fab Greek Spice. That's when I made the disturbing discovery mentioned above. In fact a few of my key ingredients are now verboten. I usually add a teaspoon of sugar to cut the acidity of the tomatoes. I wound up replacing the sugar with a bit of honey and used garlic, basil, oregano, chili flakes, pepper and salt to flavour. Caramelized onions also help to add sweetness. What I ended up with was a surprisingly simple sauce that was really delicious. I poured the sauce over whole wheat noodles and then topped the dish with something really exciting - a little bit of grated FULL FAT cheese to add a bit of protein. I have been hiding from those two words for more than ten years. What does MP have to say about this? To simplify, the disease/obesity epidemics in our society coincide with the advent of "low fat" foods. The problem being with all the other crap we've had to add to our foods to replace the fats. Not to mention that fact that we seem to believe that because something is "low fat" we can gorge ourselves on it, and end up overeating. The key to eating full fat foods? Not too much!
Ta da! A delicious, filling meal with minimal amounts of processing. Even hubby was impressed... and that's no small feat.
Assuming I'm feeling better, we're going to try making bread this weekend. So more on that next time.
I'm done "Food Rules". One of the best things about this book is that it is not a dense read, or difficult to understand. It is a simple and straight forward manual to recognizing what qualifies as real food, and how much of it you really should be eating.
The most surprising thing I've come across so far is a slew of negative information about soy... that's right, the wonder food of vegetarianism is being modified in ways that, like corn, sugars, etc. are exceptionally bad for you. The rule that led to my research advises that you not eat foods that are pretending to be something they are not, and lists soy-based fake meats as an example. So I've done some online research, and as with any other food there are pro and con advocates. Much of the negative research seems to link soy oil with suppressed thyroid activity, which leads to weight gain. The bottom line, so far as I can see it, is that much like any other food soy should be eaten in moderation. The problem? Much like corn, it is starting to show up in EVERYTHING. Case in point: I'm making dinner last night and I pick up my pre-fab spice mix (I won't mention brands here... just read your ingredient labels), and I figure this must be safe, it's just a mix of spices. I was shocked to see that I was completely wrong... the spices were some of the last things on the list of ingredients. I was not shocked to see salt had been added, however I was taken back by the addition of hydrogenated soy... hydrogenated soy? Now hydrogenated is one of those bad buzz words that has my back up immediately, but to be honest I didn't actually know what it meant. Thank goodness for Google... what did people do before they could look things up online? Here's what I found: Essentially this is the process of heating oil so that the fatty acids can acquire hydrogen, making the oil more butterlike, but cheaper to produce. So what is this doing in my spice mix? I can only guess that it's there to add flavour... bah.
This got me curious. What other seemingly harmless things were lurking around my kitchen? Well, tons... chili paste, canned coconut milk, more or less all my condiments... at this rate I'm going to be making my own mayonnaise soon. So how am I going to manage this without becoming one of those people everyone dreads having over for dinner, because they can't eat anything? The answer to this one comes straight from my mother's rule book: control what you can eat, when you can... when you can't don't stress about it, just enjoy. My mother is one of the most health conscience people I know, and she hasn't eaten red meat in years, but even she will graciously eat a hamburger on the rare occasion when some unsuspecting host serves her one.
Now this all begs the question, what am I eating? And the answer is: plenty! Hubby and I made a stew in the slow cooker the other day... tons of veggies, a small roast from the butchers, chopped up, flavoured with a mix of spices, port (MP advises one glass of wine a day!), etc. We ate that for a dinner and packed some up for lunch the next day. The rest went in the freezer for next time we don't feel like cooking. We almost always have a batch of home made curry of some sort in the fridge, so I've been eating that with rice. Home made hummus is something I'll have a little of between meals, or with pita and salad for lunch.
I'll be honest, most of the from scratch foods in our house are not made by me. The one thing I do really well is marinara sauce from scratch, so last night I decided it was my turn to do up a home cooked meal. The secret ingredient in my sauce? My pre-fab Greek Spice. That's when I made the disturbing discovery mentioned above. In fact a few of my key ingredients are now verboten. I usually add a teaspoon of sugar to cut the acidity of the tomatoes. I wound up replacing the sugar with a bit of honey and used garlic, basil, oregano, chili flakes, pepper and salt to flavour. Caramelized onions also help to add sweetness. What I ended up with was a surprisingly simple sauce that was really delicious. I poured the sauce over whole wheat noodles and then topped the dish with something really exciting - a little bit of grated FULL FAT cheese to add a bit of protein. I have been hiding from those two words for more than ten years. What does MP have to say about this? To simplify, the disease/obesity epidemics in our society coincide with the advent of "low fat" foods. The problem being with all the other crap we've had to add to our foods to replace the fats. Not to mention that fact that we seem to believe that because something is "low fat" we can gorge ourselves on it, and end up overeating. The key to eating full fat foods? Not too much!
Ta da! A delicious, filling meal with minimal amounts of processing. Even hubby was impressed... and that's no small feat.
Assuming I'm feeling better, we're going to try making bread this weekend. So more on that next time.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Next steps
Well, last night I did manage to pick up the book (Food Rules by Michael Pollan - $13.50, 25% off at Superstore right now). I'd been at the gym, which happens to be on the second level at Superstore. So afterward I went down and checked out their book section to see if they had it, which they did.
I got home feeling excited to get reading and start on this new venture. I hadn't taken two steps in the door when my husband announced that pizza was on it's way. I deflated a little bit. Maybe he saw the look on my face, because he immediately got appologetic. "I saw your post on Face Book today (see "Beginings"). I think it's great what you're doing. I'm really proud of you. There's stuff in the fridge if you don't want Pizza." I contemplated my options, knowing that the minute the pizza got in the door and I could smell it, I would want it. So then and there I formulated what is going to be my one and only no exceptions rule: Not too much. Mr. Pollan said it himself. In otherwords, don't over eat. I won't lie, I did do a little justifying on this one (I wouldn't be a good junkie if I didn't). The pizza was afterall, ordered from a local, family owned restaurant. While it does break some of the rules in the book (Eat whatever you want, but prepare it yourself) it does meet others (Don't eat food not made by a human). I weighed all this in my mind and came to the conclusion that I would eat TWO slices of pizza, and then I would go cut up some vegetables.
So, I'm not sure where MP would rate me in terms of success, but I'm going to put this one in the win colomn, and I like to think he would too. It allowed me to establish some good rules of my own, because after all, in the end I have to think for myself on this one. I decided that in addition to my no overeating rule, I'm also going to limit myself to two meals prepared outside my home each week. Maybe that sounds like a lot to some of you, but it's a step. I had thought about saying one, but I do enjoy a breakfast out on the weekends. I might have to eat them all at Fresh Cafe to stick with my other rules, I guess we'll see.
I got home feeling excited to get reading and start on this new venture. I hadn't taken two steps in the door when my husband announced that pizza was on it's way. I deflated a little bit. Maybe he saw the look on my face, because he immediately got appologetic. "I saw your post on Face Book today (see "Beginings"). I think it's great what you're doing. I'm really proud of you. There's stuff in the fridge if you don't want Pizza." I contemplated my options, knowing that the minute the pizza got in the door and I could smell it, I would want it. So then and there I formulated what is going to be my one and only no exceptions rule: Not too much. Mr. Pollan said it himself. In otherwords, don't over eat. I won't lie, I did do a little justifying on this one (I wouldn't be a good junkie if I didn't). The pizza was afterall, ordered from a local, family owned restaurant. While it does break some of the rules in the book (Eat whatever you want, but prepare it yourself) it does meet others (Don't eat food not made by a human). I weighed all this in my mind and came to the conclusion that I would eat TWO slices of pizza, and then I would go cut up some vegetables.
So, I'm not sure where MP would rate me in terms of success, but I'm going to put this one in the win colomn, and I like to think he would too. It allowed me to establish some good rules of my own, because after all, in the end I have to think for myself on this one. I decided that in addition to my no overeating rule, I'm also going to limit myself to two meals prepared outside my home each week. Maybe that sounds like a lot to some of you, but it's a step. I had thought about saying one, but I do enjoy a breakfast out on the weekends. I might have to eat them all at Fresh Cafe to stick with my other rules, I guess we'll see.
Beginnings
I'd like to start by saying that I do not believe in New Years Resolutions. Change should come in your life when you are ready to take it on. By pure coincidence I have made some decisions this January that I hope will be life changing for me.
I have spent most of my adult life trying to commit to two things: eating better and writing more. The two things are of course totally unrelated, aside from being the bane of my existence. So I've come to the point where I am ready to make changes in both arenas, and in order to fully commit to both I am going to combine them by chronicling my food reformation. I don't care if no one reads it, the point is to create some kind of accountability to both.
I am a food addict. They say the first step is admitting it, and I have been slowly coming to this realization over the last year or so. I have a problem. I have a problem. I have an addiction. It's hard to think about the sustenance your body needs in this manner, but the more I say it the more I see the truth in it. Just like any other addiction it is doing damage to my life. The most obvious of course being the negative effects on my health. But there is more: food controls my moods in a way that I can no longer put up with. I use food to celebrate, and to commiserate. I turn to food as comfort. Food is fuel, it is not a loving support system. I have to stop treating it that way.
So I've admitted it. What next? I've given this a lot of thought and I have a game plan. First I need to stop attempting to diet, and stop making being skinny my goal. I need new goals, because the old ones never worked. If I'm really being honest, being thin has always been my one and only goal in eating better. So I've banished "skinny" from my vocab. When I stopped to think about it, the only time I am miserable about my weight is when I am eating my worst. When I'm eating well, even for short periods, I feel happy, proud of myself and my weight no longer seems like such a terrible curse. So the key is to focus on that feeling... the great feeling I get from putting food in my body that I know is nourishing it.
Still, I need some kind of guide to this new world of food. I've understood for years what carbohydrates, proteins, sugars, calories, etc. do to a body, the roll they play in your overall health. But I've still never been able to really make the connection between this understanding and eating better. So I know that I can't do this all on my own, I need some rules to follow. So I'm watching TV the other day, Oprah to be more specific (No comments from the peanut gallery necessary on this one. I am a closeted Oprah fan, and I'm tired of hiding it.). She's doing an episode about revolutionizing the way we think about food. I don't believe in coincidences, I never have. The universe will tell you over and over again what you need to do to live your best life, you can ignore it, but eventually it will drop a boulder on you if it has to in order to get your attention. I'd rather not wait for the boulder. So, back to Oprah... her guest is author Michael Pollan, and he's written a book called "Food Rules". He's boiled down his stance on eating to one simple idea, which I'm paraphrasing: Eat food, mostly vegetables, not too much. He talks about things that shouldn't seem revolutionary, but do: Don't eat things your great, great grandmother wouldn't recognize as food. Food should eventually rot, if it doesn't you shouldn't eat it. Shop around the edge of the grocery store, all the processed fake foods are in the middle. Eat whatever you want, but make it yourself.
So tonight I am going to buy this book. I'm going to read it, and evaluate the ideas I can apply to my life and how to go about doing it. I am going to make a plan. Then I'm going to come back here, every second day and write about how it's going. I'm not saying that I am going to turn my whole life around overnight tonight. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow wanting to eat nothing but apples... but I'm ready to start trying. I'm ready to deal with this the way all other addicts are told to deal with their demons: One day at a time.
I have spent most of my adult life trying to commit to two things: eating better and writing more. The two things are of course totally unrelated, aside from being the bane of my existence. So I've come to the point where I am ready to make changes in both arenas, and in order to fully commit to both I am going to combine them by chronicling my food reformation. I don't care if no one reads it, the point is to create some kind of accountability to both.
I am a food addict. They say the first step is admitting it, and I have been slowly coming to this realization over the last year or so. I have a problem. I have a problem. I have an addiction. It's hard to think about the sustenance your body needs in this manner, but the more I say it the more I see the truth in it. Just like any other addiction it is doing damage to my life. The most obvious of course being the negative effects on my health. But there is more: food controls my moods in a way that I can no longer put up with. I use food to celebrate, and to commiserate. I turn to food as comfort. Food is fuel, it is not a loving support system. I have to stop treating it that way.
So I've admitted it. What next? I've given this a lot of thought and I have a game plan. First I need to stop attempting to diet, and stop making being skinny my goal. I need new goals, because the old ones never worked. If I'm really being honest, being thin has always been my one and only goal in eating better. So I've banished "skinny" from my vocab. When I stopped to think about it, the only time I am miserable about my weight is when I am eating my worst. When I'm eating well, even for short periods, I feel happy, proud of myself and my weight no longer seems like such a terrible curse. So the key is to focus on that feeling... the great feeling I get from putting food in my body that I know is nourishing it.
Still, I need some kind of guide to this new world of food. I've understood for years what carbohydrates, proteins, sugars, calories, etc. do to a body, the roll they play in your overall health. But I've still never been able to really make the connection between this understanding and eating better. So I know that I can't do this all on my own, I need some rules to follow. So I'm watching TV the other day, Oprah to be more specific (No comments from the peanut gallery necessary on this one. I am a closeted Oprah fan, and I'm tired of hiding it.). She's doing an episode about revolutionizing the way we think about food. I don't believe in coincidences, I never have. The universe will tell you over and over again what you need to do to live your best life, you can ignore it, but eventually it will drop a boulder on you if it has to in order to get your attention. I'd rather not wait for the boulder. So, back to Oprah... her guest is author Michael Pollan, and he's written a book called "Food Rules". He's boiled down his stance on eating to one simple idea, which I'm paraphrasing: Eat food, mostly vegetables, not too much. He talks about things that shouldn't seem revolutionary, but do: Don't eat things your great, great grandmother wouldn't recognize as food. Food should eventually rot, if it doesn't you shouldn't eat it. Shop around the edge of the grocery store, all the processed fake foods are in the middle. Eat whatever you want, but make it yourself.
So tonight I am going to buy this book. I'm going to read it, and evaluate the ideas I can apply to my life and how to go about doing it. I am going to make a plan. Then I'm going to come back here, every second day and write about how it's going. I'm not saying that I am going to turn my whole life around overnight tonight. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow wanting to eat nothing but apples... but I'm ready to start trying. I'm ready to deal with this the way all other addicts are told to deal with their demons: One day at a time.
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