My Resignation

I quit.

That’s right, I quit. I am done participating in the culture of body shaming that has engulfed us. A while back I started feeling disgusted with magazine covers that scream things like “This year’s best and worst beach bodies” – There’s no winning in these types of magazines. Leeann Rimes and Tara Reid are dangerously thin, while Snooki and Christina Aguilera are ballooning out of control. We should all aspire to have Scarlett Johansson’s perfect ass. Anything more, or less, is simply unacceptable.

I’ve caught myself thinking things like “She’s really pretty even though she’s big.” Or “She’d be really pretty if she lost some weight.” – um, if you can tell she “would be” really pretty, why is that you think she isn’t now??? Oh, and how about that’s kind of the pot calling the kettle black Shawn? But I wasn’t exempt from my own hateful thoughts. In fact, I was their most frequent victim.

It’s even tempting as a size 12 – that’s right, I’m putting it on the internet, I’m a size 12 – to participate in the abundance of skinny girl hate that is out there. After all, real women have curves, right? NO – real women come in all shapes and sizes. It’s not your place to tell someone else that they should have a different body type in order to be “real”.

Let’s not forget the men here either – I can’t say whether or not the pressure on men is as great, worse, or less than it is for women. Does it really matter? Men are also victims of fat shaming in our culture – I’ve seen it firsthand. In my experience, people seem to have less issue with telling a man he is overweight or just commenting on his weight in general.

It’s been coming together in my head over the last while, that this type of thinking is just so fucked up. Then yesterday my friend Jen Selk posted this blog (Secrets and Lies)I debated whether or not writing this post was piggy backing, or copying her in some way. But I think she’d agree with me that it’s time that we all take a stand, and say that we banish fat shaming, skinny shaming or any other kind of body judgment from our way of thinking. To do that we need to talk about the fact that it is happening.

You can argue that it’s not healthy to be overweight, although according to some of my more recent reading this is not a hard and fast fact (I haven’t done enough research in this area that I’m willing to argue this point right now) – but when did we decide that our physical health was so much more important than our emotional health? Almost every woman I know (and some of the men) has spent an overwhelming amount of time beating herself up because she didn’t fit into some ideal body shape she has pre-set in her mind. We spend unbelievable amounts of time talking about our latest plans to eat healthier, lose weight, be the picture we see in our heads of what we should look like. How is that healthy??? I’ve spent a huge amount of my life being unhappy and stressed about my weight. How has that made my life better in any way? It hasn’t. I could weigh the ideal 110 lbs and still beat the shit out of myself emotionally – but people would tell me how great I looked, and then I’d be happy right? Right?

Who are we to ever tell someone else that who they are, how they look, or anything else about themselves is not up to our standards? Know a fat person? Get off their back – because if there is one thing I can guarantee you, it’s that your “caring” comments about their physical wellbeing have never done them even a little bit of good. What they have done is tell your loved one that you would love them that much more if they could just look the way you would like them to – now that may not be what you’ve intended– but I promise that this is what they are hearing. I’ve been guilty of doing this with hubby. I’ve had moments where I think, what would I do if at 50 he had a heart attack and left me alone, or with a couple of kids? (and again – hello pot, the kettle is calling and he would like his black coat back) – the thought of being without him for any reason breaks my heart. So what if he has a heart attack because he lives a life of stress, trying to live up to the expectations of his harpy of a wife? Or leaves me because I’ve been subtly telling him for years that I don’t love him unconditionally? What your loved one needs to know is that you love them. Period. There is no weight clause in your relationship (any relationship, parent/child, husband/wife, friends, relatives, whoever).

Finally, I’m renaming my blog – because even though I still agree with the heart of why I set it up (yes, I still think that over processing food is a plague), I don’t think the title is reflective of where I am now, and who I want to be – or what I want this blog to be about. I’m not sure what to call it though – thoughts?